I have grown to love the feeling of my muscles acheing and resisting snacks..WILL OF IRON! There are lots of temptations in my way tonight. Wine being one and cake the other. Me and mum made a victoria sponge cake last night. It's not turned out very well but it's cake all the same!
Today I have had a small bowl of Special K, a 40cal superfood salad from Boots, and 1/2 a carrot soup. That's a grand total of 200 calories. And I plan to have a weight watchers ocean pie for dinner - 200 cals and maybe a cheeky glass of vino - 100 cals = 500 calories in total. So I think I can dodge the gym and not feel too guilty tonight. I'll make up for it this weekend.
]]>After the hospital I went to the supermarket and bought all the foods I have been fantasizing about for weeks. I got home and had another whole day of continuous binge and purge sessions. My throat is still killing me.
At least it is all out of my system now and I can get back on track with restricting. All I have had today is 1/2 a glass of fruit smoothie, 4 cups of tea made with skimmed milk and a few spoonfuls of the veg stew that I made for mum. I'm not hungry either. I just want a little glass of wine tonight when I go round to dads.
Mum had to stay in overnight at hospital so I went back at visiting time. She was really drowsy and still recovering but seemed her usual self after about half an hour. She hated being in there and was angry with the nurses for not allowing her to use her lap top to do work on the ward! She's mental bless her. I could'nt cope if she had to be in hospital for serious long term treatment. It does'nt bear thinking about. It really puts my bulimia problem into perspective. There are much more pressing issues to worry about than the contents of my stomache.
I had today off work too to pick mum up and look after her. It's good to have her home.
The plan for the rest of the week: back in work tommorrow and Friday - Hardcore gym sessions after work and minimal eating indefinitely. Might be going out on Saturday night. I feel so bad about the binges this week so now it's all out of my system I am gonna stop whingeing about it and just STOP it altogether. I mean it this time. My weight this morning was 7st 10lbs, but that's bordering on 7st11lbs so I'm going mega strict. It's time to accelerate my weight loss. Shrink on!
]]>2 x muller corner yogurts
2 x ice creams
20 x chocolate bars
4 x croissants with butter
5 x peanut butter on toast
10 x bags of crisps
5 x chocolate muffins
1 x meat and potato pie
3 x cheese and ham toasties
2 x bowls of porridge
I bought a massive bag of marshmallows which I ate whilst driving home, then as soon as I got through the front door I stuffed my face with 5 caramel shortcakes, 6 bramley apple pies, a muller corner yogurt, a bag of honeyed cashews and a bowl of pea soup with buttered bread. Then brought it all back up again.
It's getting serious now. It is like being possessed and I don't have control over it anymore. It just takes over me and I force myself to binge until I can hardly move or breath. Then I am sick until hardly anything comes up and my throat is hurting so much I can't bear it anymore. Even then I am never convinced it's all been emptied. So I usually down a glass of water and jump around to create a washing machine effect in my stomache, then go for a couple more rounds with the toilet bowl until just clear water come up. Disgusting I know.
My throat is still hurting today. But I was so scared I would gain weight and luckily I weighed 7st 10lbs this morning! Just another 7lbs or so to go. It is a difficult weight to be at though because it could go either way from here...I could easily go slide back up to 8st. But if I am well behaved and stop bingeing and exercise more I'll push on and take it down to single figures! I will be thrilled when I see 7st 8lbs on the scales!
I am going to be so good this weekend I swear.
]]>I am REALLY looking forward to tommorrow because a group of us are staying over in a hotel and going for a thai meal to celebrate my boyf and his mates birthdays. It should be good fun with lots of boozy treats! I am gonna have just a starter at the thai meal. I have got a new outfit for it - a pair of white skinny jeans (size 8 i hasten to add!) and a backless dusky pink halterneck top. Not sure what shoes to wear with it though..
The plan for the rest of the day foodwise is: STOP SCOFFING CHOCOLATE ECLAIR TOFFEES! I've had 200cals worth of em so far today. Some one brought them in to work for our team to share. damn! For breakfast I had porridge (about 100cals), for lunch I have 1/2 a tomato soup (about 50cals) and home made minestrone soup for dinner. I also plan to do an hour of mainly resistance at the gym then an hour finishing my poll card post round.
I made an amazing discovery this week...POPCORN TEA! On the brew station at work there was a box of 'whittards genmaicha green tea' which is green tea with toasted brown rice. mmmmm the delicious sweet starchy popcorn tasting tea is lovely! I have had 4 cups so far today and plan to sup it back all day long.
No more coffee for me seen as I am on these chocolate banana diet pills that are full of caffiene and make me feel like Im on speed. I honestly feel like superwoman on them. I am whizzing through my to do list like a..fast thing! And I feel as if I could go without food all day long, but I don't because I am conscious of my metabolism and the fact I do need fuelling! The toffees were a biiiiig mistake I know. I was not even hungry, just bored because I am alone in the office today. Better crack on with some actual work anyway!
]]>I got about 3 easter eggs over the bank holiday weekend and ate them all in one sitting. Then ate more and more and more. Cereal, cakes, ice cream, crisps, bread, anything we've got in..Just for the sake of it. Because my bingeing logic has been 'if I am going to throw up I might as well stuff myself to the brim anyway'. I eat to the point where my stomache is physically bulging out and feels like it's about to pop. And I feel awful cos whilst stuffing bowl fulls of cereal and milk down my neck I am thinking 'urgh can't eat anymore' yet the binge goes on until the kitchen is empty.
Then I make myself puke and it is becoming painful. I make myself do it until i cannot bear it anymore and feel like I've gotten rid of all the food inside me. But I always feel like I probably havent got rid of it all and there is still a ounds worth of chocolate sat in the pit of my belly. If i still feel bloated i take 3 laxatives for peace of mind - pointless i know cos they take 12 hours to work.
During the week the problem is not so bad because when at work I can restrict what I eat and feel good about it. But on sunday i literally spent the whole day bingeing and purgeing. I hate myself for it. I have been so good for 3 months and now I keep slipping in to greedy beast mode. My weight is not budgeing and my stomache must be expanding surely.
I am even sort of planning on what I can binge on tonight. I really don't want to but part of me says 'do it!'.
Im not getting help for it though cos I am not thin enough to warrant that. Just hope it stops and I can be a good dieter again.
]]>How did I do it? I rigidly stuck to a calorie intake of 400 - 600 Kcals per day and went to the gym every day for 1hour. I also started taking hoodia pills. They are supposed to be appetite suppressants but I would'nt waste my money on them again . I also tried 'coffee slender' which I do truely recommend. I have also bought some 'fat metabolisers' to try when hoodia is used up. They are full of caffiene and work well apparently. Those 'Lipobind' pills look pretty good - apparently they shave 150cals off whatever you eat. If anyone has tried them let me know if they're any good please!
I am varying my exercise plan now to shake it up a bit and make it more effective. Rather than just going the gym for resistance training and cardio, I am going circuit training plus gym each monday, gym each tuesday, wedensday and friday, gym plus body tone class each thursday and swimming on saturday and sunday mornings. The fat will be melting off me!
Target weight = 7st 7lbs
]]>I don't think I am eating enough food on this diet so far. At work I kept losing concentration and feeling tired and weak. I've got a bit of a head ache too. But it's day 7 tmo and so there is no going back now. I am just worried that my weight loss will slow down in the 2nd week. And I am feeling anxious about when I finally do reach my goal weight - I am scared that it will all just pile back on and I'll get stuck back in my cycle of bingeing n puking. All I can think is I'll will have to go below my goal weight so that I'm allowed to gain a couple of lbs again then maintain by eating no whites and very little and gyming it.
]]>DAY TWO
Egg
Bacon
Pepperami
DAY THREE
2 chicken legs
3 chicken wings
DAY FOUR
Egg
Bacon
1/2 tomato
DAY FIVE
Egg
Broccolli
smoked salmon n cream cheese
DAY SIX
1/2 tomato with 1 spoon cream cheese
Celery stick
Lamb n mint burger
Atkins chocolate substitute bar
DAY SEVEN
Egg
Tuna
Celery n cream cheese
Atkins chocolate substitute bar
Days one to four
First day was surprisingly easy. I was in work all day so didn't really have time to obbsess about food.
Second day I started to feel the effects of surving on fat and protein alone. I was craving fruit and a latte more than anything.
Third day I felt like I was starting to make progress as my appetite shrunk completely. In the morning I felt weak, hot sweats, moody, heart palpitations - but that's good because they are normal withdrawal symptoms that will pass soon.
Fourth day I woke up with a feeling of euphoria and more energy. I weighed myself and was delighted to see I had lost about 4lbs and am looking better each day! My guts must be a bit confused beacause I am not going for number twos hardly at all and when I do it's not healthy looking! So what though - I am in ketosis now and every bit of energy I use is sourced from MY BODY FAT not from evil carbs. Nothing can stop me now I AM SHRINKING!
Day five
Waist = 29"
Hips = 34"
thigh = 21"
It's been a tough first few days on atkins, but i am so pleased that i have stuck to it because i can literally feel the fat melting away!
My clothes are feeling looser and I have lost an inch on all measurements so far and i have'nt even joined the gym yet - I am actually just about to do that this afternoon. For exercise I'm planning on focusing on weight training because the more muscle I build, the more efficient my body will be at burning fat - my fat!
I will warm up for 10 mins on the stepper and bike, do all weights with all my effort for 30mins, cardio such as cross training or rowing for as long as I can bear (20-40mins) and finish with 10 mins of toning exercises and stretching.
After the gym Im stocking up on food supplies. Its only just struck me that I am allowed to eat smoked salmon and cream cheese which I love, so that's good. Thinking about making cream of chicken soup too which I am allowed to eat in moderation (which isnt a prob seen as my appetite is disappearing) so I will need whipping cream, chicken breast, and chicken stock. I was toying with the idea of buying some atkins carb free snacks. They do a range of chocolate bars that taste a bit like chocolate and a bit like straw. However, I remember on past atkins diets they have been a bit of a downfall as they make me crave the real thing. Im better off sticking to the rules strictly for the first 14 days.
Sorry I have no photos posted yet - I realize this is an essential part of my blog so you can actually see me shrinking - I will do it ASAP.
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