Yesturday I took my mum to hospital, she was going in for surgery. She had a biopsy. There is something growing on her ovaries and we now know it is not a polyp or cyst. Which does'nt leave much else for it to be other than a cancerous tumor. Does it? I know I should'nt worry until we know for sure but I can't help but fear the worst. Results will come through in 4 - 6 weeks.
After the hospital I went to the supermarket and bought all the foods I have been fantasizing about for weeks. I got home and had another whole day of continuous binge and purge sessions. My throat is still killing me.
At least it is all out of my system now and I can get back on track with restricting. All I have had today is 1/2 a glass of fruit smoothie, 4 cups of tea made with skimmed milk and a few spoonfuls of the veg stew that I made for mum. I'm not hungry either. I just want a little glass of wine tonight when I go round to dads.
Mum had to stay in overnight at hospital so I went back at visiting time. She was really drowsy and still recovering but seemed her usual self after about half an hour. She hated being in there and was angry with the nurses for not allowing her to use her lap top to do work on the ward! She's mental bless her. I could'nt cope if she had to be in hospital for serious long term treatment. It does'nt bear thinking about. It really puts my bulimia problem into perspective. There are much more pressing issues to worry about than the contents of my stomache.
I had today off work too to pick mum up and look after her. It's good to have her home.
The plan for the rest of the week: back in work tommorrow and Friday - Hardcore gym sessions after work and minimal eating indefinitely. Might be going out on Saturday night. I feel so bad about the binges this week so now it's all out of my system I am gonna stop whingeing about it and just STOP it altogether. I mean it this time. My weight this morning was 7st 10lbs, but that's bordering on 7st11lbs so I'm going mega strict. It's time to accelerate my weight loss. Shrink on!
