Shrinking Me

I have not binged for three days now, have lost 2lbs and feel great! I've been going to the gym every night and went swimming this morning and have so much energy...CHOCOLATE BANANA! I have never had anything like it before in my life! I am of course not talking about actual chocolate and bananas, I'm on about the diet pills chocolate banana. I take 2 a day and hardly feel the need to eat at all yet have so much energy. They are AWESOME!

The past week has been horrible. Every day without fail I have had as many as seven episodes of bingeing and puking and it's driving me mad.

I got about 3 easter eggs over the bank holiday weekend and ate them all in one sitting. Then ate more and more and more. Cereal, cakes, ice cream, crisps, bread, anything we've got in..Just for the sake of it. Because my bingeing logic has been 'if I am going to throw up I might as well stuff myself to the brim anyway'. I eat to the point where my stomache is physically bulging out and feels like it's about to pop. And I feel awful cos whilst stuffing bowl fulls of cereal and milk down my neck I am thinking 'urgh can't eat anymore' yet the binge goes on until the kitchen is empty.

Then I make myself puke and it is becoming painful. I make myself do it until i cannot bear it anymore and feel like I've gotten rid of all the food inside me. But I always feel like I probably havent got rid of it all and there is still a ounds worth of chocolate sat in the pit of my belly. If i still feel bloated i take 3 laxatives for peace of mind - pointless i know cos they take 12 hours to work.

During the week the problem is not so bad because when at work I can restrict what I eat and feel good about it. But on sunday i literally spent the whole day bingeing and purgeing. I hate myself for it. I have been so good for 3 months and now I keep slipping in to greedy beast mode. My weight is not budgeing and my stomache must be expanding surely.

I am even sort of planning on what I can binge on tonight. I really don't want to but part of me says 'do it!'.

Im not getting help for it though cos I am not thin enough to warrant that. Just hope it stops and I can be a good dieter again.

I have been SO good (and obbsessive) with my weight loss this year! January 1st 2008 I weighed 9st 4lbs. March 1st 2008 I reached my goal weight of 8st. I have managed to maintain that weight for a few weeks but relaxed my calorie restriction a bit and made up for it by purging anything bad and exercising every day. But it's not good enough - I was losing on average 2lbs a week and now I am stuck!

How did I do it? I rigidly stuck to a calorie intake of 400 - 600 Kcals per day and went to the gym every day for 1hour. I also started taking hoodia pills. They are supposed to be appetite suppressants but I would'nt waste my money on them again . I also tried 'coffee slender' which I do truely recommend. I have also bought some 'fat metabolisers' to try when hoodia is used up. They are full of caffiene and work well apparently. Those 'Lipobind' pills look pretty good - apparently they shave 150cals off whatever you eat. If anyone has tried them let me know if they're any good please!

I am varying my exercise plan now to shake it up a bit and make it more effective. Rather than just going the gym for resistance training and cardio, I am going circuit training plus gym each monday, gym each tuesday, wedensday and friday, gym plus body tone class each thursday and swimming on saturday and sunday mornings. The fat will be melting off me!

Target weight = 7st 7lbs